Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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