I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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