; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
