She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
