Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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