I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
