1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its not stalking. its research.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
