i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bring me that man meat
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
