Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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