I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
