so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
