Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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