I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
