Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
