woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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