i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
