More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
