Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
