He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
