how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
