I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
