how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
