I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's blow job season.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
