Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
