well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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