I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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