so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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