But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
