I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
