I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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