I got chris browned last night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
