It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
