It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
