Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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