fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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