She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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