She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone came in the potted fern
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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