This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
