White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
