The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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