I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
