I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
