OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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