Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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