Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
