You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
