i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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