I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found the puke drawer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sext me about skeletons
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
