it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
