I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
