he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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