the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
