That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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