$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
